What is a toxic relationship?

Oxford Languages Dictionary defines it as “very harmful or unpleasant in a pervasive or insidious way.”

What does this look like to you?

I used to think it was what I grew up with - violence, emotional abuse, unworthiness. Now I know it can include so much more. According to Healthscope Magazine, “…a toxic relationship is a relationship characterized by behaviors on the part of the toxic partner that are emotionally and, not infrequently, physically damaging to their partner.” It goes on to say that a healthy relationship builds self-esteem and self-worth, while a toxic relationship drains both of those areas. “A healthy relationship involves mutual caring, respect, and compassion, an interest in our partner’s welfare and growth, an ability to share control and decision-making, in short, a shared desire for each other’s happiness. A healthy relationship is a safe relationship, a relationship where we can be ourselves without fear, a place where we feel comfortable and secure. A toxic relationship, on the other hand, is not a safe place. A toxic relationship is characterized by insecurity, [selfishness], dominance, control.”

Staying in a relationship that does not foster care and compassion is dangerous to our overall well-being. In 2019 I met a woman named Jada Jordan. She and I are more like sisters now that we have come to know and respect one another more and more each day. However, when I met her, we were both going through a journey where we were learning how to stop listening to what others thought of us and who “they” thought we were and began to listen to what God wanted us to hear about ourselves. Things like being “fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalms 139:14) and learning that in finding the Lord, taking the time to build a relationship with Him, and being good, I would find favor, but if I searched for favor, nothing good would come (Proverbs 11:27).

Jada is the founder of the amazing non-profit, Transitioning Queens, Inc. After Jada found out about my upbringing, she asked me to be her Vice-President. I accepted whole-hardheartedly. This opportunity made me realize what it was all for - everything I endured, having to call 9-1-1 numerous times as a child, resorting to anger and violence for most of my life not knowing how much I endured as a child affected me into adulthood - it was all for this.

Today, Jada and I are on a mission. The system is flawed. The system doesn’t stand up for women and children who leave a toxic relationship. If the woman doesn’t have money for a good lawyer, she is most likely going to be at the mercy of the other half. I am still blown away that a violent and mentally unstable man can somehow get even partial custody of a child.

At Transitioning Queens, Inc., our mission is to provide mothers with temporary housing to transition from a toxic relationship and mold them to independent, sound-minded individuals. Our vision is to educate the community on what healthy relationships are. We no longer want toxic relationships to be the norm. It’s time to improve our relationships with each other and make them our stronghold. It’s also time to improve our relationships with ourselves. We are operating together to help women find their true potential, self-worth, and learn how to love themselves. We have been torn down mentally. Nevertheless, we are unstoppable. We are limitless. We are here to support those around us who feel as though they are alone. We do this through spiritual wellness, mental wellness, physical wellness, and support programs that show these women how to take care of themselves and their children, if applicable. There is no reason why any woman and child should be on the street. I personally commend the women who choose to leave and if the system won’t fight for them, I want to be one of the people who do. Jada and I are a on mission bigger than ourselves. Her situation sparked a passion like no other. I am truly grateful to be a part of it all.

Together, we can always do more. Single voices aren’t nearly as loud as a hundred or a thousand voices. Will you join us? Use the button below to donate to the cause. If you would like to be more involved, please contact us through the website below:

We will continue the journey until our last breathe.

The Lord tells us to keep planting the seeds until the harvest comes. Consider this email a seed. Thank you for your continuous support in all that I do! I appreciate you! Let’s band together and help others learn what toxicity is, so they can transition out of it.

Resources:

Cory, T.L., Ph.D. and Platt, C. (2020). Healthscope Health and Wellness Magazine: Defining Toxic Relationships: 8 Types of Toxic Relationships and Their Signs. Retrieved March 13, 2021 from https://healthscopemag.com/health-scope/toxic-relationships/.