I want to begin by sharing that resolving conflict has never been a strength of mine until the last 3-4 years or so, with a lot of help from mentors and counselors who have taught me so much. This blog is from a recent research paper I did for my doctoral program in Psychological Counseling Studies. I will share more of my research papers along the way since the program aligns with the coaching I do regularly and depicts things that allow us to navigate life better. 

To resolve conflict, I was taught to be quiet as a child. As someone who grew up in a domestic violence household with drugs and alcohol, one can only imagine that resolving conflict was not performed healthily. I was taught similarly in the military - to be quiet and let it work itself out. It was not until I received more rank and was given more supervisory positions that I could speak up. This is also why it has taken me until my mid-40s to stand up for myself, my needs, and my mental wellness. 

While I had to wait a long time to learn these things, generations behind me won't have to if I have something to do with it. Therefore, I must share better ways to resolve conflict as I learn and apply them in my life. While I am still a work in progress, I tend not to avoid it as much. Sometimes I don't explain myself for every situation, but I am also learning to protect my energy and peace. These are things I feel in my heart I need to teach others. I hope this blog is informative and provides practical ways to resolve conflict healthily. Conflict resolution is necessary for the success of any relationship, business or personal, and allows us to understand each other better. While it does take both parties being open to it, I now know the importance of talking things out instead of overreacting to everything like I used to operating in survival mode. 

Conflict is inevitable, but how we approach it can transform it from a divisive event into a moment of growth and healing. Conflict allows deeper connection and understanding when handled with empathy, humility, and faith.

In this post, I’ll share my journey in conflict resolution, shaped by Christian values, a commitment to servant leadership, and my personal experiences with healing. Here are some guiding principles I hope can help you navigate conflict with grace.

Start with Compassion: A Faith-Centered Approach to Conflict

At the heart of conflict resolution is compassion—a value I’ve come to embrace deeply through my faith journey. Inspired by Ephesians 4:32, which says, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you,” I’ve learned that kindness and forgiveness are powerful tools for overcoming conflict (Bible Gateway, n.d.).

By grounding my approach in Christ-centered values, I’m reminded to listen more, judge less, and let go of the need to be correct. Colossians 3:12-13 also emphasizes forgiveness and compassion as foundations for healthy, meaningful relationships (New American Standard Bible, 2020).

Forgiveness: Freeing Ourselves from Resentment

Forgiveness is essential in conflict resolution, not because it excuses wrongs but because it releases us from resentment. True forgiveness starts with letting go of grudges, focusing on our healing, and trusting that God can handle situations beyond our control.

Holding onto anger only hurts us, but by embracing forgiveness, we make space for transformation and healing, bringing us closer to God and others in our lives.

Embrace Servant Leadership

Servant leadership, inspired by Jesus’s example, has shaped my approach to conflict resolution. This leadership style prioritizes the well-being of others and involves humility, active listening, and building trust. Ramsbotham, Woodhouse, and Miall (2016) emphasize the value of safe spaces for open dialogue as essential for nurturing trust and achieving solutions.

A servant leader values unity and peace over personal victory. When approaching conflict, this means stepping back, listening actively, and creating a space where everyone feels safe to share their thoughts without judgment.

Understanding and Empathy: The Cornerstones of Resolution

Active listening and empathy are transformative in resolving conflicts. We often enter conflicts with a narrow view of our needs and perspectives. Understanding the other person’s experience opens doors to deeper connection and mutual respect.

Research shows that empathetic communication is powerful. Bolton (2016) notes that when people feel heard, they’re more open to finding collaborative solutions. Empathy allows us to hear with an open heart, set aside our judgments, and let others feel seen and understood.

Realignment and Purpose-Driven Conflict Resolution

Conflict often signals that we may have strayed from our path. Realignment with our spiritual and personal purpose can provide clarity and peace during challenging times. Realignment allows us to remember our “why” and refocus on what truly matters, enabling us to approach conflicts with a steady heart and a clear purpose (Cambridge Dictionary, n.d.).

In conflict resolution, realigning with our values and purpose helps us act in ways that honor our journey and relationships, bringing peace even to challenging situations.

Applying Patience and Assertiveness

Patience and assertiveness form a balanced approach to conflict resolution. Patience allows us time to respond thoughtfully, while assertiveness empowers us to express our needs confidently. This balance prevents misunderstandings from escalating into greater tension and turns conflicts into opportunities for growth.

Research by Bolton (2016) and Goleman (2006) suggests that combining patience with evident communication fosters respect and understanding, which is essential in building healthy, constructive relationships.

Communication That Heals and Connects

Effective conflict resolution hinges on open, compassionate communication. Colossians 4:6 encourages us to let our “speech always be with grace,” reminding us to approach conversations thoughtfully and respectfully (New American Standard Bible, 2020).

Creating a safe space for open dialogue is crucial to resolving misunderstandings and fostering a culture of mutual respect. Clear communication addresses immediate conflicts and builds a foundation for trust and harmony in relationships.

Self-Care as a Foundation for Effective Conflict Resolution

Resolving conflicts requires us to be well-resourced emotionally and spiritually. Through my healing journey, I’ve learned that self-care equips me to approach conflicts from a place of strength and resilience. Roche (2018) highlights the importance of addressing unresolved issues within ourselves to prevent reactivity in conflict situations.

Self-care also involves maintaining emotional well-being, which equips us to guide others through conflict with clarity and grace.

Final Reflections: Transforming Conflict into Connection

Conflict resolution is a path to deeper connection and growth when rooted in faith and guided by Christian principles. By approaching conflict with forgiveness, servant leadership, empathy, and self-care, we can transform challenges into opportunities for building stronger relationships.

Let’s embrace conflict as an opportunity to grow closer to God, to ourselves, and each other. May we approach each challenge with humility, compassion, and a steadfast commitment to our values, turning each conflict into a step toward peace, understanding, and purpose.

References

Bible Gateway. (n.d.). Ephesians 4:31-32 (NASB). Retrieved from https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ephesians%204%3A31-32&version=NASB

Bolton, R. (2016). People skills: How to assert yourself, listen to others, and resolve conflicts. Simon & Schuster.

Cambridge Dictionary. (n.d.). Realignment. Retrieved from https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/realignment

Fisher, R., Ury, W., & Patton, B. (2011). Getting to yes: Negotiating agreement without giving in (3rd ed.). Penguin Books.

Goleman, D. (2006). Social intelligence: The new science of human relationships. Bantam Books.

New American Standard Bible. (2020). Colossians 3:12-13. The Lockman Foundation. Retrieved from https://www.lockman.org/

New American Standard Bible. (2020). Colossians 4:6. The Lockman Foundation. Retrieved from https://www.lockman.org/

Ramsbotham, O., Woodhouse, T., & Miall, H. (2016). Contemporary conflict resolution: The prevention, management and transformation of deadly conflicts (4th ed.). Polity Press.

Roche, M. (2018). Leading from the inside out: The importance of healing and emotional intelligence in leadership. Leadership Journal.

Wilmot, W., & Hocker, J. (2018). Interpersonal conflict (10th ed.). McGraw-Hill Education.