Have you ever known anyone who was just negative all the time? Are they fun to be around or do you go out of your way to avoid them? Or…do you do what I used to do and go above and beyond to try and help them? Or even worse, are YOU the one with the negative attitude? I used to be. I didn’t even realize what I was doing. Nevertheless, one thing I did well was put a mask on with the rest of the world. I compartmentalized so well that I never even realized that I wasn’t allowing myself to heal. In doing that, I did myself (and others around me) a serious disservice. I had someone tell me once, “you will receive the energy you put out.” This is so true! I have tried and tested it time after time! If you begin to doubt yourself and allow things that are out of your control to control you, you will find that not only will you have a bad day, but you will also end up having an even worse life. Stop this habit in its tracks! Become aware! Then begin the journey! You are NOT alone!

One of my mentors, Ryan C. Lowe, wrote a book called Get Off Your Attitude, which enhances the GOYA movement he created a while back. Reading this book allowed me to “get a taste of my own medicine” and really dig a little deeper. I understand that we are human. Being positive ALL THE TIME just isn’t feasible. We ARE allowed to feel. We ARE allowed to cry. We ARE allowed to get angry. The problem is, we allow those emotions to go further than we should.

For years, I had a ton of unforgiveness in my heart. I had pain from childhood trauma and things I saw and lived growing up. I was shameful that I allowed myself to do some of the things I did growing up, even though I technically “knew better.” But did I? These were actions I saw daily. The violence, the drugs, the alcohol, the adultery, the lack of self-esteem. I was in “survival mode” for most of my life. Psychology Today says this about survival mode: “Many of us are experts at being in “survival mode” in that we have learned to go through the motions in life and do what we need to do” (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/lifting-the-veil-trauma/202006/why-survival-mode-isnt-the-best-way-live).

Today, I am going to share with you SIX thoughts that will steal your joy and take you down the path to ultimate death in life. This means, even though you may be breathing, you are NOT living. I had to look at these things intimately in my own journey and I am grateful to be able to share them with you now.

1. All or Nothing Thinking (aka Perfection)

2. Always Thinking (The “What If This” or “What If That” Approach)

3. Focusing on Negative (aka “The Rabbit Hole”)

4. Guilt and Shame Beatings (the “I’m Not Worthy” Scenario)

5. Labeling (Needing Titles for Yourself and Others)

6. Fortune Telling (Based on the Past)

Let’s discuss these a little more in-depth:

All or Nothing (aka Perfection)

The all or nothing approach means, either I have to do it all or I can’t do it at all. It can also mimic the “I can’t start it until it’s perfect” syndrome. Either way, you’re putting something off that you could be doing. SO WHAT if you aren’t able to do EVERYTHING all at ONCE! You will drive yourself INSANE if you try to do that. You will also drive yourself insane waiting on something that doesn’t exist: perfect conditions.

I hear people all the time say things like, “I want to do (insert thing here), BUT…” The “but” is the word that holds them back from ANYTHING that was supposed to be in their lives. It holds them back from starting businesses, getting healthier, and even from operating in their gifts! It held ME back for YEARS!

I thought I had to have it ALL UNDER CONTROL. Have you ever felt like this? I know I’m not the only one!

The problem with this approach is that if you never start, you will NEVER reach the goal. The way to achieve anything is by putting one foot in front of the other, being DISCIPLINED, and being CONSISTENT.

So just start. It will NEVER be perfect. The last thing you want is to be on your death bed wondering “what if.” I know that’s why I don’t wait. I do pray about things, but if it’s something I feel in my heart to do, I don’t wait for perfect conditions. When that one thing gets done you were waiting on, please know something else will come up. Take a leap of faith. Believe in yourself. One…foot…in…front…of…the…other…

You got this!

Always Thinking (The “What If This” or “What If That” Approach)

I have a mind that seems to NEVER STOP!

Can anyone else relate?

I have been called a worrier…and I can still habitually enter that space again…at any time…

When I FINALLY became aware of that, I was able to begin implementing something I’d never been willing to attempt implementing before…meditation. An article from Mindworks, Inc. says, “People who meditate generally lead happier lives than those who don’t. Meditation is known to enhance the flow of constructive thoughts and positive emotions. Even a few minutes spent meditating regularly can make a big difference” (https://mindworks.org/blog/why-is-meditation-important-facts-you-need-to-know/).

If you had told me a few years ago that I would be able to meditate, I would have laughed at you. I wasn’t willing to try. For me, it was the spiritual journey I entered into in 2019 that led me down this path where I can now be still for a few minutes multiple times a day! YEP! It’s amazing!

As I became more open to forming a relationship with God, I began to realize that being still was actually a wonderful thing. It doesn’t keep me from worrying. It only allows me to enter into a different state of being. It allows me to go from “reactive/worry mode” to “peace” mode. It’s allowed me to become far more patient than I ever have been before. Psalms 37:7 says, “Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him; do not fret when people succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes.” This came at a time when I was wondering how some people were able to accomplish things and I was having such a hard time. It all made sense to me the more I learned to stop trying to force things. It became more of a habit the longer I implemented it. When I worry, I now know that I need to shift my brain. I need to go for a walk, pull out the Bible, and/or do what I have re-implemented into my life now: go for a walk at the beach.

I also now do evening meditation. I “rest my brain.” The Word says, “Do not be anxious about anything…” (Phillipians 4:6). I had to stop worrying! You have to stop worrying! Some people don’t want to read the Bible. Honestly, I was one of them my entire life! I tried to read Genesis first and well, let’s just say that was NOT smart. I was lost before I began. I just had to do what I tell others to do - begin the journey and take it one step at a time. Now, the Bible shows me how to live. It gives me tools to use, just like I give to others in Reclaim Your Life.

Establish a routine and stick with it. If you find it difficult, just start with a couple of minutes. Listen to some calming music. If you are a believer, you can do what I did when I was starting out and use an app called Abide. It helps too. Whatver you do, just do your best, give yourself some grace, and begin where you are. Don’t tell yourself you “can’t” or you never will.

Focusing on the Negative (aka the “Rabbit Hole”)

If you only focus on the negative, you will only get negative. Have you ever heard of the “rabbit hole?” The rabbit hole is what you go down when you can’t get yourself out of the rut you find yourself in. You think of one negative thing, which leads to another, and another, and another…until you get so deep you can’t climb back out. The rabbit hole - like Alice in Wonderland.

The saying, “we are our own worst enemy” is so true. We allow our thoughts to go places we really should NOT be going. One of the ways I began to combat this is by learning how to wake up grateful. I say “learning” because it was not something I practiced until I made it a priority in my life. If you have trouble finding gratitude in your life, go down to your nearest homeless shelter or go serve somewhere with people who don’t have NEAR what you have. This puts a lot into perspective.

The beginning of 2019, shortly after moving back to Jacksonville, Florida, my daughter and I were driving around the downtown area. This area is known for a massive homeless population and it saddens me every time I drive through there. My daughter, being nine years old at the time, asked me why there were so many people standing outside this building in the cold. I never realized until that moment she had never seen a homeless shelter.

That night, everything I was complaining about that day seemed to disappear. I had a lot to be grateful for. From that day on, I made it a point to wake up grateful. Every morning when I wake up, no matter what my brain wants to think about or how worried my mind wants to be, I stop the madness and say, “thank you, Lord, for waking me up.” That is how I begin. This is how it starts - be grateful for what you have. Don’t sweat the rest.

Guilt and Shame Beatings (the “I’m Not Worthy” Scenario)

In my book, I talk a lot about this in the first chapter for Mindset Development. We MUST learn how to forgive others AND ourselves. If we continue to hold unforgiveness in our hearts, we can never claim the path we are meant to be on. We will take ourselves out the game before anyone else will and it’s all because of our mindset.

Examine how you grew up. Were you around people (parents or role models) that helped you develop self-worth? I was not. I also got made fun of at school (kids are cruel) for various things. Therefore, my self-esteem was also shot. This followed me well into adulthood and even into my forties. As I embark on the good ole age of 43, I can easily say I am STILL working on self-worth. Again, the teachings in the Bible have helped me out with this as well. 1 Peter 3:4 says, “Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” After reading this and a few other scriptures, I began to think: “Well, if God loves me no matter how much I have sinned and He also tells me to forgive others, maybe I should try it and see what happens.” As I have now begun to come out on the other side of it, I am realizing more and more that whether you believe in God or not, these scriptures have some serious meaning behind them!

Why should I beat myself up over things in my past when I can absolutely do NOTHING about them? Why do I need to hold onto resentment and unforgiveness from people who ARE NOT EVEN HERE ANYMORE? They are deceased! Yet, I am the one who keeps allowing these thoughts to keep me from being who I am meant to be!

Once I realize this, I had to begin the work on me. I wrote down things I would say about myself (negative, shameful things) and I would write down the exact opposite. I trained myself to BELIEVE the opposite. Now, is it completely fullproof? I would be lying if I said yes. Nevertheless, I am more aware of it now. Once we become aware of things we need to work on, we are able to actually work on them. It is also advisable to have a trusted person in your life (or persons) who will help you become aware as well. Receive what they are telling you as long as they are someone you know and trust and they are speaking out of love. Let your guard down with them. They are only trying to help.

Labeling (Needing Titles for Yourself and Others)

My new thing lately is: NO TITLES NEEDED!

I am so tired of trying to live up to society’s standards! In society, I have to be this or I have to be that. I need to have this title, this degree, this certification, have done x,y, and z and whatever else in order to be accepted. NO MORE!

I am tired! I am exhausted! Who’s with me?

This is why I have continued to be an entrepreneur. I know the right team is coming. I know this isn’t business as usual. I know I will meet the people who will allow me to be who I am - all of me! I am tired of being placed into a box!

When people ask you who you are, what do you say? What should you say? Here’s what I say now: “My name is Jodi Watkins. I am…ME…and I will S.E.E. - support, encourage, empower - you.” That is all! That is all I need. If they want to get to know me further, they will. If not, cool.

How long did it take me to get here? I used to live by titles. The only way I thought I could be significant was to have a certain title. I am _______ or _______ - Veteran, mom, wife, personal trainer, nutritionist, health coach, writer - whatever it was you could insert there. Now I know better. It sounds different to most and that is ok. It’s not their journey. It’s mine. They don’t have to understand it. I am just allowing myself to be led for once in my life. It feels good.

Do you find yourself constantly “chasing titles?” If so, reach out to me. Let’s chat. I can still fall into that trap, but together, we can ALWAYS do more. The journey is constant. You can’t take a day off.

Fortune Telling (Based on the Past)

This is a big one!

“But I know (this) is going to happen because that’s what happened before.

STOP!

Your past does NOT dictate your future at all times!

Should you learn from past mistakes? Sure!

However, if it involves other people, it may not go the same as it did before.

Be open to possibilities. Don’t dismiss it before it even begins!

Ask yourself this: Am I God? Am I psychic? Can I foresee the future?

If the answer to those questions is no, you should probably just go ahead and move on from here now. You can’t always base everything on the past. Sometimes you have to allow faith and perseverance to take over. You have to realize that not everyone or everything is out to get you. While I know we can’t just trust everyone, we also can’t have a wall up with everyone.

I had a wall up most of my life. It’s a wonder how I still have friends from before. I literally tried to shut anyone out who would get too close to me. I still can go back to that. However, once again, the awareness factor is now there. I am more aware now of my actions. I am more aware that I am building a wall. I am aware that I shouldn’t build the wall for everyone. So, while, I know this, I can still habitually fall into the trap. This is when I use the tactics mentioned above, especially meditation and simply sitting still for a few minutes, the most.

Here’s a fact: LIFE IS NOT EASY.

Ok. There. I told you. Now it’s up to you to tell someone else.

Thank you for being here. Together we can do more! God bless!