Self Care is Not Selfish!
I always say this to those in my subscription coaching group and to my individual clients. I also have a whole chapter about self-care and positivity in my book, Reclaim Your Life.
Why do we feel self-care is selfish?
We have been conditioned to think this way.
Society teaches us that we should put others first.
The Bible talks about loving our neighbor but also states, “as you love yourself.”
How many of us still struggle with loving ourselves?
The more I loved others MORE than I loved myself, the deeper I fell into depression and feeling unworthy.
This is a trap I no longer choose to fall into.
In that last sentence, I used a word. Did you catch it?
CHOOSE.
Whether we love and care for ourselves or not, it’s all our choice. We are in ultimate control of this ONE area of our lives. Yet, we will tend to continue loving ourselves last and putting ourselves last.
What would your life look like if you intentionally decided to begin taking steps towards loving yourself AND putting yourself first?
I can tell you from personal experience finding fulfillment from within is freeing. We no longer rely on others to check all the boxes for us. We depend on ourselves. At the end of the day, if we are Believers, we know God won’t let us down. If we know He is here for us, we also realize WE will find joy from within consistently.
There’s another word to remember - CONSISTENTLY.
Let’s put those two words together - CHOOSE CONSISTENTLY.
Maybe we should add another word in there - CHOOSE SELF CONSISTENTLY.
This does not mean we only choose ourselves one day. We must choose ourselves daily.
Here’s a tip that may help:
Get intentional the night before. If you like to write, take out a journal and write down how you plan to put yourself first the next day.
This could be waking up 20 minutes earlier than everyone else and getting some quiet time before the day begins. It could be taking a bath. It could be going for a walk and getting movement in. Maybe it’s just drinking a glass of water. Whatever that looks like for you, begin where you are. Choose ONE thing you will implement for YOU and only YOU. Then stick to it! I say to choose only one thing because when we build new habits, trying to implement everything all at once can lead to overwhelm, letting ourselves down, and ultimately making it worse on ourselves. We choose ONE THING, and we start there. Once we complete a week of that ONE THING, we add ONE MORE THING for a week. For some, just getting up 20 minutes earlier will be a challenge. Begin there. Don’t worry about anything else. Focus on getting out of bed 20 minutes earlier every day.
My next challenge is not to worry about the day as soon as you wake up. This is another reason you will find that 20-minute window to be necessary. You won’t feel rushed. You will feel more at peace because you are not starting your day with stress. Another tip is to stay off your phone during that window of time. Increase the time, if possible, to 30 minutes or an hour, but whatever you do, DO NOT USE THE TIME TO SCROLL SOCIAL MEDIA!
“Some researchers have associated online social networking with several psychiatric disorders, including depressive symptoms, anxiety, and low self-esteem” (Pantic, 2014). This research was found in 2014 and earlier. We are now almost a decade later, and if we pay attention, we see this happening all around us. We now have cyberbullying. If I am not careful, many adults (including myself) go into comparison mode, comparing themselves to others they see in life, health, marriage, and business. Starting our day out, as this goes against everything regarding self-care.
No matter what, we should always start our day out by saying “Thank you.” Think about something you are grateful for. Please write it down for that day, and look at it whenever you feel like you are going into a negative spiral. If I wake up, I am grateful for breath. I am thankful for the ability to write these blogs. I am grateful for the people around me. I am pleased with my flaws. Yes, I said that. I am thankful for my shortcomings. It would be best if you were too. It’s recognizing our flaws and having good people around us to help us with the weaknesses that give us strength. It’s finding that strength from within when no one else is available to help us. It’s being open to understanding that every last of us is perfectly made, even with our flaws. My flaws make me who I am. Your flaws make you who you are. They give us the ability to learn and grow more over time. Isaiah 40:29 says, “He helps tired people be strong. He gives power to those without it.” While I am aware not everyone is in a walk with the Lord as I am, I also know that no matter what you believe, you have to think there is a pull in the universe pulling us away from certain things and towards others.
Here are some more tips to help in this area (taken from my book, Reclaim Your Life):
Give gratitude
Relax your body
Focus on breathing
Don’t attach to your negative thoughts
Stay off social media
Prepare a delicious breakfast
Establish a meditation practice
Don’t check your phone until much later
Do something physical (go for a run or do some cardio, yoga, or something that will allow you to feel more energized first thing)
Create a routine that includes morning self-care
Wake up to a clean room (tidy up the night before so you don’t wake up with chores to do)
Ask yourself, “How can I make today amazing?”
Smile regardless of how you might feel at first
Maya Angelou once said, “If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude.” The number of things we accomplish or don’t accomplish in life is directly related to our attitude. It’s time to take ownership. It’s time to take care of ourselves. It’s time to show up for ourselves and keep our commitments to ourselves, just as we would for someone else. We must love ourselves. It begins with the self.
For more information and to discuss this more thoroughly as a support community, please join me inside the Jodi Watkins Life and Health Community.
Thank you for reading. God bless!
Resources:
Pantic I. Online social networking and mental health. Cyberpsychol Behav Soc Netw. 2014 Oct;17(10):652-7. doi: 10.1089/cyber.2014.0070. Epub 2014 Sep 5. PMID: 25192305; PMCID: PMC4183915. Retrieved from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4183915/.
